I know what you got for Christmas. Of course I do. The very best thing: boxes. The box a present came in is the best part of the present. This is true. The box, as we know, cannot be just a box, but a present box. Not just any box. A present box. Get it right.
So, you got boxes. Excellent. And you have several empty cardboard tubes from wrapping paper. Even better. And you have kids home for winter break. Maybe even relatives visiting. Everything you need for a little good natured violence. No more passive-aggressive; we want aggressive aggressive!
"So, the sweater? The one that I actually remembered the coupon for? The one I circled and circled and circled the parking lot to find a parking spot for? The sweater I think I may have actually been very, very, very near, perhaps in fact part of a pile of purchases belonging to another shopper? That one? You don't like it? Okay. SWEATER!"
"And the apple pie? The one, after years and years of failing, I actually made an excellent crust for? That one? You don't want any? You want key lime pie instead? I'll give you key. Lime. PIE!"
"You're not going to lend your brother your guitar tuner? Because he's your brother? And he's an idiot? The guitar. TUNER?"
May I suggest Cardboard Tube Dueling? Cardboard Tube Dueling is a real thing. It has a league and rules and a t-shirt and everything. It kind of looks like something hipsters, without the ability to grow ionic facial hair or room for a typewriter collection, came up with. Despite that, it is fun, really fun. Fun is good. A doctor discovered that.
This is our holiday tradition. Beats wassailing. Whatever that it.
Oh, and speaking of boxes being the best part of the present...if you have a real complainer in your realm of loved ones, perhaps one of these "presents" will fit the bill.
Hope your holiday was very blessed, happy and filled with love!