fledge capable of flying, from Middle English flegge, from Old English -flycge; akin to Old High German flucki capable of flying,
Old English flEogan to fly -- more at FLY
intransitive verb, of a young bird : to acquire the feathers necessary for flight or independent activity

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Not funny

My husband is really funny. Unfortunately, he's funny in a "we're laughing at you" way, not a "we're laughing with you" way. Let me explain: He's German. As such, he has no sense of humor. Oh, he tries. He tries to be a real smart ass. But being a smart ass is a craft that takes decades to hone. It's not for everybody. Yes, this is America, and, yes, just because you can buy automatic weapons at WalMart, doesn't mean you should. And just because America is very appreciative of smart asses, it doesn't mean you should be one yourself. In the wrong hands and at the wrong times, it is a very dangerous thing. I think in the interest of everybody, we should post signs in the airports: "Welcome to America. No socks with sandals. No eating with your fork upside down. No skimpy Speedos at the beach. No sarcasm. No, not you."

For example, I'm chatting online with my sewing girls and my husband feels a little neglected, so he says, "I think I'll get a dog. ANNA! Oh, Anna! We're getting a dog!" Now, what on Earth prompted him to add the "ANNA! Oh, Anna! We're getting a dog!"? Of course she runs over, her eyes big as saucers, "A puppy? We're getting a puppy?" "Sure. What kind of puppy should we get?" he answers. They spend the next half hour on the Internet puppy shopping. And then, you can almost hear the angels singing and clouds opening as Anna comes across a husky puppy with blue eyes. It is, without a doubt, the cutest creature on the planet.

"What are you going to do now?" I ask the man.

"What do you mean?"

"About the dog."

"What do you mean?"

"About Anna and the dog."

"What do you mean?"

"What are you going to do about Anna and her expectation of getting a dog?"

"What do you mean?"

"Anna is expecting to get a dog."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, Anna is expecting to get a dog."

"Why that?"

"Because you said, 'Anna, oh Anna, we are getting a dog,' and then you picked out dogs with Anna on the Internet."

"Why would she think that?"

"What part of 'Anna, oh, Anna, we are getting a dog' do you think she didn't understand correctly? What part of going all over the Internet looking at puppy pictures do you think did not plant that seed firmly in her mind?"

"Anna doesn't think we are getting a dog."

"Yes, she does."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, Anna thinks you are going to get her a dog."

"Why that?"

"Listen." (In the background, lots of happy squealy little girl sounds, including "We're getting a puppy! We're getting a puppy! He has blue eyes! We're getting a puppy with blue eyes!")

"She doesn't think we are getting a dog. She knows I was joking."

"She's five."

"What do you mean?"

"She's five. She doesn't think you're joking."

"Why that?"

"She's five and she doesn't get you. Few people get you and no one under 30 gets you."

"Why that?"

"You're not funny. You get taken at your word."

"We're not getting a dog."

"No, we're not getting a dog. I know a lady with a dehydrated cat and that has cost her $1000 so far. $1000 so far for a dry cat and it will cost much more to figure out why the cat is drying out. We are not getting a dog. What are you going to tell Anna?"

"Does Anna think we are getting a cat? I thought you said dog."

"I mean, dogs, cats, whatever kind of pet--that's a time and financial commitment, not to mention the whole fecal matter logistics bit. Just what are you going to say to the jumping, squealing child to explain that you never had any intention of getting a dog."

"I'll tell her you won't let her have a dog."

"You're not funny."


andrea s. said...

Woho , is he still alive ???
, and I KNOW I mean I REALLY know what you mean about german , remember were I am from , ...
I think I would be at least divorced by now , my hubby sleeping outside in the garden with an old blanket...and now I will stop because it might get delicate..I tell you later on the phone , but I am sure you have enough ideas..
Now to the important part ..HOW IS ANNA..poor , little thing ,..
could you help her up?

Froschprinzessin said...

BOAH - ich hätte ihn ......*gna*
das ist nicht witzig!
Ich hoffe für mein Seelenheil, dass ihr einen tierischen Krach hattet ...


arme Anna

Diba said...

Welcome in the club...
and greetings to my brother in law...
I will ask my husband why he didn´t told me about his brother in America...



PS.: We will get a horse...
or two? Or three?
I don´t know the number...

Notiz Blog said...

Oh well, this is not funny at all. Poor little Anna, how did she react when he was telling her about his joke?
Men in generell have sometimes a strange sense of humor.
So long

SABINE said...

One word - MEN - they are all the same?!
Poor Anna, I would be furious with my husband!!

Have a wonderful day!

mooi hoor... said...

He wasn't funny. Not at all. But I fell of my chair reading the story.

"I'll tell her you won't let her have a dog": Revenge mission completed - men don't grow up, do they?

Nic said...

holymoly... this is definitely NOT funny! >:O(

poor anna...

but.. i've to admit, i had a little laugh about your male-female-coversation. sorry. ;o)


anjana said...

Just one quick word on this one " GERMANS DO NOT DO COMEDY!!!"

Greg thought it was real funny and so did I. I still have to let Sasha read your post. I already know what my little one will say

"Well mommy, I am only half German"



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